Sunday, January 29, 2012

My how things change in a year's time....

Well I obviously had the best intentions when I started this blog last year but it seems life may have gotten in the way of those intentions so let's get up to speed here...

Last year was a year of turning points for me...
Let's see if I can sumarize what was probably the hardest year of my life thus far...
I thought life was good when I made my first blog post... Little did I know that just weeks after my life would change forever...

I won't get in to all the ins and outs and ups and downs of what happened in private. There is no sense in airing all the dirtly laundry for those outside of my close circle of friends and family to see.

On July 7, 2011, I did something I never thought I would do. I packed my things and left. I was pushed beyong my breaking point. I felt empty and broken inside... Completely defeated and destroyed. I wasn't sure where I was going or what I would do but I was sure that I needed to get away and fast. From the outside looking in it may look like I didn't give it a shot and that I didn't give it a chance. Let's just say there was an event that occurred in the first weekend of April that opened my eyes and forced me to see how different things were from how I thought they were. By the end of May I knew that something had to change and efforts were made but by the beginning of July I knew that I could no longer stay. Some parts of a person will never change and some things absolutley do not just change over night. Those "instant" changes are not lasting. They are usually only temporary and yes I did stay long enough to see if they were real or not.

At 31, I had never truly felt like an adult... Not grown up. I don't know exactly what it was. By the time I turned 32 in October 2011, I realized that I had found myself. I realized I am strong. I have courage beyod belief (thank you God) and I CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF. Heck I can even manage to keep two little furry doggies alive and well, too!

The last year brought a lot of heartache but I know God has a plan for me. I believe things had to happen the way they did for me to finally realize exactly what I needed to do and to see that I AM STRONG.

In the process, I have found who my true friends are... The ones that even though the DID tell me, they haven't once said "I told you so." The ones that saw the hurt and the pain and the unhappiness for what it was and as hard as they tried, they had to let me go and let me do what I thought was best for me no matter how much it hurt them to see me hurt... The ones that still LOVE me and always will. And even the new ones that have only known the side of me that was constantly trying to be something I wasn't and are so suprised and delighted to meet the true me. The ones that look at me and say that I truly look happy. Funny how much simply that, being happy can change one's appearance...

I actually have the courage to dream and to make those dreams come true. I took a trip to Vegas in November. I am signed up to take the Harley Learn to Ride class. I am about to move into my own apartment and live on my own for the first time in my life. And all of this I've done ALONE (and with a little help from God of course).

Yea, I work more than I used to, but that's the nature of the beast from what I've been told. I also still have time to ENJOY LIFE and that is exactly what matters most. I feel like I am finally where I am supposed to be and that I am about to start the best chapter of my life yet.